Thursday night, 4/12/12. It’s been just over two years since my dad’s death, and that probably explains why I’ve been feeling so lonely lately — lonely for both of my parents. Strange that I thought I knew most of the stories, but how many times now I wish I could ask them questions about various things. My parents were the last living siblings in their respective families, so it’s not like I can ask one of my mother’s brothers to clarify some small detail, or go visit one of my dad’s sisters who were just so much fun to be around. During the summer of 2010, my mother was hospitalized several times — one of those times, I sat beside her bed and we went through the family tree on her side. It was interesting how many details I had never felt curious about before but I began to ask, how she had to reach back and try to remember, how invigorated she was by the mental exercise of it all. I think we always feel that there’s more time — time to hear the answers to the questions we haven’t yet thought to ask. Oh, how I wish I could still ask.
We are in the midst of trying to sell our house. It hasn’t sold, but things could change in a second. Change — are we ever ready for it? Change of any kind is difficult, but some changes are just so big that big adjustments are required. During our 35 year marriage, we definitely “have been moved.” You’d think moving would be easy by now — this will be the tenth time. Am I still flexible after all these years, or has rigidity crept in? Only time will tell, but I’m sure hoping for flexible.
Which brings me back to questions — and searching for answers. If we’re looking for security, then it can’t be in knowing what the future holds, since of course, that’s not possible. The best place I’ve found is relying on the One who has the plan. We often think we have all the answers, but have we even thought to ask the right questions?
Deuteronomy 10:17-21 For the Lord your God is the God of gods and Lord of lords. He is the great God, the mighty and awesome God, who shows no partiality and cannot be bribed. He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice. He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt. You must fear the Lord your God and worship him and cling to him. Your oaths must be in his name alone. He alone is your God, the only one who is worthy of your praise, the one who has done these mighty miracles that you have seen with your own eyes.